sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize