The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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