i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
