What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
