It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
