So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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