Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
