things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
