i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
