I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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