You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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