Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
