Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
