my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Did you just see the Batmobile???
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
