Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
