Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Life is so much better after having sex.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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