i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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