Buhtt sex?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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