I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize