Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
