ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
