I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
