im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
