after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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