talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
There's even glitter on my cock...
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