At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
