So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize