my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
