Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
