i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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