He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
