Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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