Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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