Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I want to fling myself into the sun
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize