# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
