it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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