I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
