My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
