Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
