When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
