She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
