Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
