even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
