Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
