after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize