I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
