i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
