This girl is more easily done than said...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
