i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
