We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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