I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
