i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
