just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
