Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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