she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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