She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Can you repeat that, but with context?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
