how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
