I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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