too bad you live with your parents still
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
