I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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