He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
