What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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