I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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