Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
do herpes really smell.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
