K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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