moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
