I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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