just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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