I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I want a musical about memes.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
