Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
