In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
