girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
