First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
