I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize