Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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