So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
