Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
