I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
