Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize