can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
