the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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