i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
