You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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