Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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