i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize