That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
