i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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