I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize