I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
