I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
