We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
