need another drink. this is the easiest way
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We left an ass print on the piano.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
