Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
