afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
