My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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