I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We had to coat check the pizza.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
