i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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