Im at strip club and am horny
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
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