Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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