I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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