We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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