he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
